Ok. I know you probably think I’m being over dramatic but to be perfectly honest, I’m a rather mature 15 year old. This isn’t teenage rebellion, it’s being full of a lifetime of being controlled. I see ONE of my friends like twice a month outside of school. I can’t go out on the weekends. I can’t sleep over at anybody’s house. I can’t go shopping with my friends. I can hang out with my friends without my mom being at close range. My dad is lazy and all he cares about is his computer so I don’t even like him. I always thought that when the time came, my mom would start to let me go bit by bit and let me show some independence. I truly have no preparation for the real world whatsoever with my mom babying me and breathing down my neck. I don’t want her to.
I’ve tried calmly explaining what a disadvantage that will be when I leave home for college because I will be lost and dependent on her for the rest of my life, which is NOT what I want. When I do talk to her though, she just pretends to get all sad and then I feel guilty for causing her pain because I know she loves me so much but sometimes I think there’s a line between loving and isolating. She has isolated me from real life my entire life. I never got to go on field trips or to friend’s houses. She would always buy my clothes for me. I’ve never even ridden a school bus and I had to convince her for 3 days to let me go to one of my friend’s houses and even so she took me there late and picked me up early. The only social life I have is at school.
You probably think she’s just a loving and caring mother but the truth is, she’s smothering me. I have trouble holding on to who I am because she constantly tries to impose her views on me. I tell her that I’m a different person from her and that I think differently but nothing works. She’s trying to make me into a clone of her and that is not what I want. In 2 years, I will be leaving home for good going off to college in the real world and I will not be ready. I told her this but she doesn’t care. She only sets these rules and limits to show me who is boss even though all my other friends have gradually earned some freedom. That’s all I want!
And I’m a good kid. I make A’s, I’m involved in school activities, I’ve never gotten in trouble, I help around the house and I never get any recognition for it. I don’t care if she ruins the next two years of my life like she has the rest, I would just like to be able to leave the house with confidence and not have to come running back to mommy and daddy because it’s their fault if I’m not ready. Time to myself is the only way I can keep myself grounded. My mom yells at me all the time. Like tomorrow, I’m supposed to see my friend and she’s all like ’she can come here when i say she can. if she comes here before i say it’s ok, i will talk to her mother’ I was like WHAT THE HECK?!
Does she have to control EVERYTHING? I just don’t think it’s fair that I’m not living my life, she’s living it for me. I’m the one who’s going to die when MY years are up so shouldn’t I make the best of them? I’m not asking to go to parties or stay out late. I just want a normal teenage social life- something I haven’t and probably never will have.
I just don’t feel like I can do anything myself because I’ve never had the opportunity. Not only that, but my parents were raised by foreign parents so the way they parent me is different than the typical American. I’ve tried to explain how since I live HERE and I’m growing up HERE and I’ll be living HERE, they should stick with these customs! I’ve never even been on a field trip if my mom wasn’t the chaperone.
I’m hoping to go to an out-of-state college because if I don’t break free soon, I feel like I never will.
Today, we went shopping and she got into a fight with the clerk at the store because the lady wouldn’t let my mom in with me to the dressing room. I tried to explain to her that I can do it myself and I don’t need her in there and she left the store and refused to pay for anything. And she embarrassed me by yelling at the poor clerk (who I later apologized to, but she didn’t seem to care about my apology) and not only that, but people from school were there. So they saw everything.
Any suggestions for how to cope or try to convince her that I need my space without hurting her feelings? I still love her so much and it breaks my heart that I feel this way but it’s true. I need room to be my own person and so far, I haven’t gotten any. I’ve tried writing letters, everything. PLEASE HELP!